SOLITUDE

wrdy2
“Just leave me alone” , I retorted back at my friend. A “not so serious” discussion had ended up on a fiery note, the obvious reason being that her opinions never really matched mine. We needed to shut up and the only way to do so was not to talk , at least for the next two hours. I needed to be with myself – alone. I needed to sort things out.
The more I discuss the more unhappy I become ! In a way I just felt that more are the people around me, more are my expectations from each of them and lesser is my happiness quotient.
‘Solitude is the highest form of companionship ‘ , they say and true it was at least for that instant!
But what actually happened was that even two hours post my ended discussion my thoughts were still traversing on the words of despite exchanged and mentally I was continuing with my justifying thoughts cursing the hundred recent negative scenarios I had faced. My thought frequency never settled instead just took off at a faster pace. It wasn’t solitude that I was experiencing!
Solitude is a way positive term that describes and makes us experience a different degree of satisfaction for ourselves and our relationships. There is a difference between being in solitude  and being alone. Most of the time we use the label of solitude but actually  practice a different thing. Solitude in its pure form is the highest amount of energy we can cultivate but confusing it with negativity like being a loner is a great folly. Solitude is practiced when you are relaxed and satisfied and sit back to devote sometime for yourself providing it with some positive input.  What I was facing wasn’t solitude instead it was something close to loneliness.  I was disturbed by the fact that my friend couldn’t agree with my viewpoint and in addition to that I felt guilty over the fact that my dependence on her was so much that I couldn’t keep calm when she hovered away from my pattern of thinking. I started assuming and labeling her actions with things like taking me for granted and not UNDERSTANDING me. I was in dire need of her ACCEPTANCE and whenever a time comes when such a thing doesn’t happen I shift into a disturbed state and feel a sense of loneliness. What I realized was in no way did I find any solace in those two hours. A turmoil now with more number of problems and issues lingered on in my mind. I just realized that I had actually created a more resentful and angry thought process. Because I wasn’t ALONE in these two hours instead I was LEAST alone.
wrdy
When we cage ourselves in such a situation and completely escape off from our friends and family we are actually putting ourselves in more trouble.
As the saying goes ” if you are lonely when you are alone, you are in a bad company”, pointing to the FACT that closing yourself from the world at a point when you are emotionally frustrated is like inviting a worse phase for yourself. In such a state of mind we tend to create scenarios which do not even exist in real life. An extremely negative state of mind forces us to see everything in a bad color and in a discolored state. We start becoming rigid and cold. We start viewing people and situations as weapons lined up against us. A sense of negativity for the people around us dominates our thinking pattern.
But then what should I have done at that time? If being alone at a such a point wasn’t a cool idea, even continuing with the blaming words and our arguments wasn’t also. So what really should I have done? Maybe listening to some positive advise from someone was a better option. Take for instance your best friend has a fight with her sibling and then texts you about that scene. She is really disturbed!  What would be your reaction? You would obviously cool her down and advise her to focus on the positive habits of her sibling and not be disturbed. You will find ways to cheer her up and help her in regaining her calm. The way your friend will now react will be way too different from the way she would have earlier behaved. Maybe if she hadn’t texted you she would have thought about a hundred scenarios where her sibling wasn’t good to her but now maybe she is ready to sort out things with her sibling just because her mind is now in a calm state and whatever she thinks now is rational thinking and not a frustration driven  thought pattern.
wrdy3
That is where the essence of the fact lies. We also at such a time need a relieving pill in the form of a person or some positive input. At such a point we should either discuss with a person who will lighten our mood or indulge ourselves in something positive like listening to a positive lecture , writing ten positive things about our life or something similar which shifts our attention towards positivity. We should not close ourselves because that is synonymous to poisoning ourselves. We need to surround ourselves with positive energy and people. We need to reinforce the fact that life and people love me! We need to remove ourselves from the label of DEPENDENCY and consequently from the feeling of LONELINESS. The more you push yourself in the alone category more remorseful we tend to become! Surrounding ourselves with chirpy people who laugh things out instead of being too critical about them is the secret to elevate your feeling especially at times when you are emotionally drained out. So don’t be disheartened when things don’t work in the way as I expect them to be instead look for more positive thrusts in life!
wrdy4
The crazy mingles deafen,
venomous words strangle,
The world staging its shuddering gamble,
Look down upon me,
blurting out a traumatic fumble!
The loneliness haunts my trifling silence,
Whispers diminishing reliance!
But then again fortune shines,
Clouding away resentful whines,
A friend enters easing the walk,
resounding hard makes a knock!
The laughs shout and discolor the black,
Cheers heaped in my sack!
The maze soon clears the hint,
Stabilizing every trivial tilt !!
wrdy6

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MELANCHOLY SPELL

WORDY1

Another day dawns,
but our life still yawns.
The sadness still alive,
with every thought taking a dive!
The complications seem simple,
turning our life into ripples.
Blaming ..yes it helps
soothing away our soul,the inside victim yells!

People around change,
darkening the inner cage,
set free in a dark forest
everyday turns out to be a big test.
Failures deter us,
life becomes a fuss,
life seems to be taking revenge,
a big war to avenge!
Lost in tatters we cry, 
feelings suffer a fry.
Fakeness shows,
seed of hollowness it sows!
Frustrated the world appears a maze,
every moment seems a never ending phase!
Who knows this would stop,
and our feelings would take that hop!
The chopping knives kill me,
irritation comes even from a buzzing bee!
They say life is a mystery solve it,
but it just eats away bit by bit.
Caught in situations we cant justify,
only the breath can be heard full of sighs!
Our very essence changes,
the world just gazes!
Trying to run,escape
but the fears do always gape.
Hope just hope is left,
expectations the theft!
Longing for a big hug,
one who accepts us with our guilt filled jug.
Searching in vain for acceptance,
left only is repentance!
We all our alone..yes its true,
even though the world promises to be our crew!
Fighting alone with our own being,
need someone to do our seiving.
The monotony still continues,
turning into mist life’s hue 😦

WORDY3

STRONGER EVERYDAY :)

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However much tragic  or wonderful our life is, we are always hideous about ourselves, about our feelings. We tend to bottle up ourselves not giving the other even a hint of the reality. We are so busy pretending that somewhere we ourselves loose track of the reality playing the game of SELF HYPNOSIS! A state in which we play our game of life with extreme seriousness, disguising ourselves from our own weakness, as well as from our enemy or rival. Not only others we ourselves start ignoring the weaknesses we have, trying to pull off a mask that shines by its cover. But wonderfully said ” never judge the book by its cover”. If I am a bubbly, chirpy kinds on the outside, it doesn’t imply that I am a blessed soul on the inside as well!, If I am silent on the outside doesn’t imply I am satisfied on the inside too! We all have our list of traumas and sad times whether these come from our family, friends , professional life or sometimes from ourselves only! But yes the real fooling comes when we label ourselves to be strong by pulling up a smile on our face even in the wake of adverse times. Is that really being strong? By bottling up my weaknesses or  sorrows, giving myself an inner satisfaction that yes I am a VICTIM , I am bearing all this alone and stuff! NO! The reality lies in the fact that this is nothing more than FOOLING around. And yes I am proudly a member of it! The reason I have been doing this my entire life is because this VICTIM zone , this SAD zone has turned into my COMFORT ZONE. Its difficult , nae , IMPOSSIBLE to leave the victim me! But that is where the real strength lies! Strength lies in coming out of the hypnosis, facing reality! Being open about who you are and what you face.
“To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.”
I just passed upon this quote and voila! Loved it 🙂
Often vulnerability is the reason why I disguise myself. Even when I actually discuss my weakness or my problem with someone a guilt attitude starts riding up. I am worried that  either I would be looked upon by a sympathetic eye or would be attacked by a ferocious eye targeting my vulnerabilities. Either way its difficult ! Yes again I say its DIFFICULT . And DIFFICULT in my dictionary is synonymous to STRENGTH.
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We all have had difficult times and we know these have made us stronger. Expressing yourselves is not making yourselves weak. It means you give the other person the full power to destroy you, you reveal every sensitive detail about yourself , you show them your plan so that they can target you in the best way possible ! But  remember attacks are never done without the other’s defense. If you have the power to reveal yourself and your situation to someone outside ( which really takes a lot of power) you have a higher strength of protecting yourself! A highly equipped army never attacks on a weak base, It looks for EQUAL competition! Therefore in case the other person threatens you with their attack, remember you have a higher power of defending yourself! If you can easily make yourselves vulnerable you can also protect yourselves. Maybe you aren’t prepared but deadlines and emergencies have the potential to guide the impossible.  Think of a disease that hits your town. No  one has ever heard about it and there is no cure to it. People start dying because of this. A state of emergency builds up , the doctors start working on it. And sooner or later a drug is invented which can combat the disease. Similar to this, it may take time to protect yourselves but sooner or later you will be able to do it. One day the cure that you will find will leave you stronger and more immune to such emotional disasters. So in case you discuss with someone any of your problems or any of your weakness don’t take think of it as a vulnerability, instead take it as a strength that you had the strength to reveal yourselves in the real way you are.
But this doesn’t mean that you always need to discuss. A higher strength lies in pulling up a smile on the outside and working upon yourself on the inside. Inner healing is superior to all! Working upon your weakness and your problems and to be able to come out of the trauma completely on your own will power and determination is the real strength ! And until you aren’t able to do so drive the physical negatives away from your life and stay around positive ones!
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 Saddened again I cry hard,
A cruel message on my card.
life takes it revenge,
 a ferocious war to avenge.
A shoulder appears,resting upon it I cry,
but soon it takes a leave, a scornful bye!
and then the knives point at me,
everywhere that I see!
Fighting hard I put an effort,
killing negativities of anger and hurt!
A stronger warrior now challenging the world,
The shooters all knurled!
yes the strength triumphs again,
losses multiplying into gains!

MEMORY LANES!!

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Glancing upon the empty door I stood,
Thinking about everything that I could,
The jolting memories hurt me again,
Like the strike of a forceful cane.
There are times so good,
But also things that are rude,
Difficult to stop and judge,
All left is a filthy smudge!

The seasons change,
Our emotions these cage,
The cuts are deep,
But one day everything will seep.
This victim feel is good,
Like a cool hood!
The thoughts again turn a mess,
but no one takes a guess!!

May be my inside world replies,
While my breath still sighs,
I force again and twirl my lips,
A smile appears drinking the sorrow in sips!!
Everyday I laugh a lot,
Trembling at the thought of being caught!
Everyday this loud laughter chides,
And sends into oblivion the deep bites!
Yes again I stand stronger,
Giving me the power to fight longer.

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Feel the FEELING

images (2) Feel, he told himself, feel, feel, feel. Even if what you feel is pain, only let yourself feel. ~ P.D. James, The Children of Men Yea feelings i must say is something really close to our hearts …i mean any situation that you face…or any dream you have…or a person you meet…there is always this rush of something…something that dominates.. and somehow we tend to have no control over this..this SOMETHING .. is a FEELING. The reason why i came up with this blog was because  somehow somewhere we all consider ourselves to be emotional fools …caught up in an unknowning and sometimes unexplained emotions . Am here to make you realize that if you are extremely happy or sad about something or maybe nothing.. you are normal…there are hundreds like you who have an unexplained list of who’s and how’s… jus wanna say sit back and relax ..we all in one way or the other are the same. This blog of mine is not a guiding one…or that would always force you to come out of that emotional bizzare thing in your mind ..i would rather say FEEL it. As RHONDA BYRNE in her book “THE POWER ” says …”feelings are much powerful than thoughts”… dont try and force your thoughts ..your feelings offer much more. These feelings are a God’s gift ..and we should know how to use them…this blog would be something fun..discussing about an array of emotions  and feelings..wounded in d form beautiful stanzas of writing. Before i end i would just say ..give wings to your feelings…dont keep them suppressed …let them go …because the universe awaits to listen your song of life … dont deafen it with your silence!!

Wish upon me,am the happiest star,

tonight i wish a wondrous time,

blooming with flowers not a scar shows,

turning away the depressed foes!

Look ahead the laughter awaits ,

a dancing world it creates

clear upon my stance i stand,

the magical sprinkle giving me a hand!