WHISPERED SILENCE

images (1)

Crawling steps and a smile so wide,
Tears behind their face they hide!
Jaded thoughts looking for caring bowers,
Veiling slushy eyes beneath the covers!
The blame shadowing as they walk along,
As if a duty to sing the monotonous song!
Teenagers they are spitfuly called,
Character assumed to be dangerously flawed!
Who is to know the conflict they suffer,
Facing peers and life as it gets tougher!
Thought to have been living on their whims and fancies,
reality pouncing , no signs of peace!
Worried about the elders they everyday face,
waiting one day for them to understand their case!
Afraid of performances that they would miss,
Judgment coated looks depriving away bliss!
Who is to know what they look for every aurora,
An accepting smile replacing the blaming sorrow!
fighting hard to plant smiles as they wander,
Making bonds and feelings for each other fonder.
whiling away they look for supporting shoulders,
Shaky again , searches in vain to find even stronger holders!
Awkward silences speak alot,
A pleading message behind words that rot!
Waiting for the day when the proud father would smile,
blinding rays across miles.

images

Advertisements

SOLITUDE

wrdy2
“Just leave me alone” , I retorted back at my friend. A “not so serious” discussion had ended up on a fiery note, the obvious reason being that her opinions never really matched mine. We needed to shut up and the only way to do so was not to talk , at least for the next two hours. I needed to be with myself – alone. I needed to sort things out.
The more I discuss the more unhappy I become ! In a way I just felt that more are the people around me, more are my expectations from each of them and lesser is my happiness quotient.
‘Solitude is the highest form of companionship ‘ , they say and true it was at least for that instant!
But what actually happened was that even two hours post my ended discussion my thoughts were still traversing on the words of despite exchanged and mentally I was continuing with my justifying thoughts cursing the hundred recent negative scenarios I had faced. My thought frequency never settled instead just took off at a faster pace. It wasn’t solitude that I was experiencing!
Solitude is a way positive term that describes and makes us experience a different degree of satisfaction for ourselves and our relationships. There is a difference between being in solitude  and being alone. Most of the time we use the label of solitude but actually  practice a different thing. Solitude in its pure form is the highest amount of energy we can cultivate but confusing it with negativity like being a loner is a great folly. Solitude is practiced when you are relaxed and satisfied and sit back to devote sometime for yourself providing it with some positive input.  What I was facing wasn’t solitude instead it was something close to loneliness.  I was disturbed by the fact that my friend couldn’t agree with my viewpoint and in addition to that I felt guilty over the fact that my dependence on her was so much that I couldn’t keep calm when she hovered away from my pattern of thinking. I started assuming and labeling her actions with things like taking me for granted and not UNDERSTANDING me. I was in dire need of her ACCEPTANCE and whenever a time comes when such a thing doesn’t happen I shift into a disturbed state and feel a sense of loneliness. What I realized was in no way did I find any solace in those two hours. A turmoil now with more number of problems and issues lingered on in my mind. I just realized that I had actually created a more resentful and angry thought process. Because I wasn’t ALONE in these two hours instead I was LEAST alone.
wrdy
When we cage ourselves in such a situation and completely escape off from our friends and family we are actually putting ourselves in more trouble.
As the saying goes ” if you are lonely when you are alone, you are in a bad company”, pointing to the FACT that closing yourself from the world at a point when you are emotionally frustrated is like inviting a worse phase for yourself. In such a state of mind we tend to create scenarios which do not even exist in real life. An extremely negative state of mind forces us to see everything in a bad color and in a discolored state. We start becoming rigid and cold. We start viewing people and situations as weapons lined up against us. A sense of negativity for the people around us dominates our thinking pattern.
But then what should I have done at that time? If being alone at a such a point wasn’t a cool idea, even continuing with the blaming words and our arguments wasn’t also. So what really should I have done? Maybe listening to some positive advise from someone was a better option. Take for instance your best friend has a fight with her sibling and then texts you about that scene. She is really disturbed!  What would be your reaction? You would obviously cool her down and advise her to focus on the positive habits of her sibling and not be disturbed. You will find ways to cheer her up and help her in regaining her calm. The way your friend will now react will be way too different from the way she would have earlier behaved. Maybe if she hadn’t texted you she would have thought about a hundred scenarios where her sibling wasn’t good to her but now maybe she is ready to sort out things with her sibling just because her mind is now in a calm state and whatever she thinks now is rational thinking and not a frustration driven  thought pattern.
wrdy3
That is where the essence of the fact lies. We also at such a time need a relieving pill in the form of a person or some positive input. At such a point we should either discuss with a person who will lighten our mood or indulge ourselves in something positive like listening to a positive lecture , writing ten positive things about our life or something similar which shifts our attention towards positivity. We should not close ourselves because that is synonymous to poisoning ourselves. We need to surround ourselves with positive energy and people. We need to reinforce the fact that life and people love me! We need to remove ourselves from the label of DEPENDENCY and consequently from the feeling of LONELINESS. The more you push yourself in the alone category more remorseful we tend to become! Surrounding ourselves with chirpy people who laugh things out instead of being too critical about them is the secret to elevate your feeling especially at times when you are emotionally drained out. So don’t be disheartened when things don’t work in the way as I expect them to be instead look for more positive thrusts in life!
wrdy4
The crazy mingles deafen,
venomous words strangle,
The world staging its shuddering gamble,
Look down upon me,
blurting out a traumatic fumble!
The loneliness haunts my trifling silence,
Whispers diminishing reliance!
But then again fortune shines,
Clouding away resentful whines,
A friend enters easing the walk,
resounding hard makes a knock!
The laughs shout and discolor the black,
Cheers heaped in my sack!
The maze soon clears the hint,
Stabilizing every trivial tilt !!
wrdy6

MELANCHOLY SPELL

WORDY1

Another day dawns,
but our life still yawns.
The sadness still alive,
with every thought taking a dive!
The complications seem simple,
turning our life into ripples.
Blaming ..yes it helps
soothing away our soul,the inside victim yells!

People around change,
darkening the inner cage,
set free in a dark forest
everyday turns out to be a big test.
Failures deter us,
life becomes a fuss,
life seems to be taking revenge,
a big war to avenge!
Lost in tatters we cry, 
feelings suffer a fry.
Fakeness shows,
seed of hollowness it sows!
Frustrated the world appears a maze,
every moment seems a never ending phase!
Who knows this would stop,
and our feelings would take that hop!
The chopping knives kill me,
irritation comes even from a buzzing bee!
They say life is a mystery solve it,
but it just eats away bit by bit.
Caught in situations we cant justify,
only the breath can be heard full of sighs!
Our very essence changes,
the world just gazes!
Trying to run,escape
but the fears do always gape.
Hope just hope is left,
expectations the theft!
Longing for a big hug,
one who accepts us with our guilt filled jug.
Searching in vain for acceptance,
left only is repentance!
We all our alone..yes its true,
even though the world promises to be our crew!
Fighting alone with our own being,
need someone to do our seiving.
The monotony still continues,
turning into mist life’s hue 😦

WORDY3

STRONGER EVERYDAY :)

 images
However much tragic  or wonderful our life is, we are always hideous about ourselves, about our feelings. We tend to bottle up ourselves not giving the other even a hint of the reality. We are so busy pretending that somewhere we ourselves loose track of the reality playing the game of SELF HYPNOSIS! A state in which we play our game of life with extreme seriousness, disguising ourselves from our own weakness, as well as from our enemy or rival. Not only others we ourselves start ignoring the weaknesses we have, trying to pull off a mask that shines by its cover. But wonderfully said ” never judge the book by its cover”. If I am a bubbly, chirpy kinds on the outside, it doesn’t imply that I am a blessed soul on the inside as well!, If I am silent on the outside doesn’t imply I am satisfied on the inside too! We all have our list of traumas and sad times whether these come from our family, friends , professional life or sometimes from ourselves only! But yes the real fooling comes when we label ourselves to be strong by pulling up a smile on our face even in the wake of adverse times. Is that really being strong? By bottling up my weaknesses or  sorrows, giving myself an inner satisfaction that yes I am a VICTIM , I am bearing all this alone and stuff! NO! The reality lies in the fact that this is nothing more than FOOLING around. And yes I am proudly a member of it! The reason I have been doing this my entire life is because this VICTIM zone , this SAD zone has turned into my COMFORT ZONE. Its difficult , nae , IMPOSSIBLE to leave the victim me! But that is where the real strength lies! Strength lies in coming out of the hypnosis, facing reality! Being open about who you are and what you face.
“To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.”
I just passed upon this quote and voila! Loved it 🙂
Often vulnerability is the reason why I disguise myself. Even when I actually discuss my weakness or my problem with someone a guilt attitude starts riding up. I am worried that  either I would be looked upon by a sympathetic eye or would be attacked by a ferocious eye targeting my vulnerabilities. Either way its difficult ! Yes again I say its DIFFICULT . And DIFFICULT in my dictionary is synonymous to STRENGTH.
     wordy
We all have had difficult times and we know these have made us stronger. Expressing yourselves is not making yourselves weak. It means you give the other person the full power to destroy you, you reveal every sensitive detail about yourself , you show them your plan so that they can target you in the best way possible ! But  remember attacks are never done without the other’s defense. If you have the power to reveal yourself and your situation to someone outside ( which really takes a lot of power) you have a higher strength of protecting yourself! A highly equipped army never attacks on a weak base, It looks for EQUAL competition! Therefore in case the other person threatens you with their attack, remember you have a higher power of defending yourself! If you can easily make yourselves vulnerable you can also protect yourselves. Maybe you aren’t prepared but deadlines and emergencies have the potential to guide the impossible.  Think of a disease that hits your town. No  one has ever heard about it and there is no cure to it. People start dying because of this. A state of emergency builds up , the doctors start working on it. And sooner or later a drug is invented which can combat the disease. Similar to this, it may take time to protect yourselves but sooner or later you will be able to do it. One day the cure that you will find will leave you stronger and more immune to such emotional disasters. So in case you discuss with someone any of your problems or any of your weakness don’t take think of it as a vulnerability, instead take it as a strength that you had the strength to reveal yourselves in the real way you are.
But this doesn’t mean that you always need to discuss. A higher strength lies in pulling up a smile on the outside and working upon yourself on the inside. Inner healing is superior to all! Working upon your weakness and your problems and to be able to come out of the trauma completely on your own will power and determination is the real strength ! And until you aren’t able to do so drive the physical negatives away from your life and stay around positive ones!
 images (1)
 Saddened again I cry hard,
A cruel message on my card.
life takes it revenge,
 a ferocious war to avenge.
A shoulder appears,resting upon it I cry,
but soon it takes a leave, a scornful bye!
and then the knives point at me,
everywhere that I see!
Fighting hard I put an effort,
killing negativities of anger and hurt!
A stronger warrior now challenging the world,
The shooters all knurled!
yes the strength triumphs again,
losses multiplying into gains!

DE-ATTACH YOURSELF

download (3) As I pulled hard the stapled pin, trying to detach it from the bunch of papers,  the pin came out tearing the edge of sheets. Grumbling curses at the untidy way I had handled the papers, I took hold of the next set. Taking great care and trying to avoid the same mistake again , this time I pulled the pin very gently. The pin came out smoothly, but still left the papers with its marks. I did it in the most gentle way yet I could not undo the minimal damage the pin had done.  I rearranged the jumbled set and stapled them again, thus imprinting a new mark on them and in a way damaging the paper’s original presentation. Anyhow I finished my work and relaxed back in my bed. I felt a sudden urge to go out in the open and take a walk. But then I thought about my mother whose call was to come anytime and I feared the amount of worry she had for me. If she came to know that I had gone on a stroll at this hour of the day, her tensions might just flood up more. So I put aside the idea and tried to bounce back to sleep again. But a thought kept disturbing me. I recalled the stapler incident and tried connecting it to my mother’s worry effect on me. Just like the stapler’s attachment to the paper had damaged the paper, similarly my mother’s attachment to me had left a mark on my life. I feared doing things that might worry her. Fear and worry came out as results of our attachment to each other. I wondered at the number of souls to whom I am attached and what all results has my attachment  fetched the relation? To my surprise a huge array of negative emotions were linked to this attachment of mine. Take it expectations, worry, fear , anger, distrust all were a by product of the strings I had attached to people. Attachment had left me more emotional than practical. And it wasn’t just people but also things, religions, belief systems and what not. Now take for instance, why are the Hindu Muslim groups fighting? Answer is attachment – ATTACHMENT TO RELIGION. We don’t even logically judge the situation, we just behave in a way that justifies our attachment. We take literally no time in binding strings to things, people, situations. What happens when we fight with a loved one? Attachment works again. We take the words spoken by the person so close to our hearts that it becomes impossible for us to forgive them. Reason is we are attached! Now you tell your story to an outsider that this is the issue that bothers us, they will have an immediate solution at hand. Why?? Because they aren’t attached. Why couldn’t we, think of a solution? Because we were so overwhelmed by the fight and the person in it. Attachment isn’t good , it is in all its forms – selfish. We cry for our a loved one who dies, not because they are not here anymore but because I fear how MY LIFE would be without them. How will I survive without them. It’s ME. I fear a breaking relation not because how the other person would feel but because how would I feel?, how would I do things without them! A criminal’s mother keeps defending her child even when she knows the truth, Why?? Answer remains the same – Attachment. We need to realise the urgency of being detached from things, people and situations. Detachment doesn’t imply rigidness or being  cold. Not at all. Detachment means analysing things the way they are after getting rid of ropes and strings. For instance a son has to go to a foreign country to complete his education. But his mother is not ready to take the step just because she is too much attached and cannot let her child go. And in a way she deprives her child of an opportunity that he could have availed. Maybe the entire life he keeps blaming his mother for the experience he missed. Instead if the mother had behaved logically and sent the child happily, the son’s future might have been a different one. images (5) We need to realise that we need to give people their space. We shouldn’t burden them or drop our responsibility on them making them the guides of our life. A healthy relation is one where you care for the other not where you impose yourself on the other. If a loved one is in pain due to an emotional issue , my responsibility goes in understanding their situation and giving them the power to come out of it and not in crying in their pain. If they are hurt, I have to cure them and not carry the hurt myself. We need to heal people and things around us and not damage or imprint them  with our issues and worries. ” Charity begins at home” they say! And true it is. We need to first love ourselves, make ourselves happy and then only we can care for the whole world! An UNCHARGED battery cannot by any means charge another. We need to first charge ourselves and then with a DETACHED VISION help others. Because attachment isn’t a positive emotion! Don’t mix it with care. Love has to be unconditional and if its conditional it has attachment involved. Let go of this attachment and a new perspective  would  definitely await us!

The strings slowed my pace,

Making it a difficult chase!

I sat reflecting as I hurt myself,

Reduced to a wimpy elf!

The strings no more took us together,

Hurt came even from a feather.

Bruises now covered my skin,

No where could I see my win!

Removing the chains I took some steps,

Clearing away my unending debts!

Freedom Again kissed my soul,

Offering me a decorated bowl!

Happy smiles gathered along,

Refreshing as a new song!!☺

Author : Mridul Bedi

images (4)

CLEANING UP

EIWARDROBE36361693175DEEPPURPLE1_1401177346 (1)

A cleaning campaign began in my house, as my mother directed each member of the family towards some cleaning. I snorted at the site of my almirah and regretted not maintaining it in a clean manner throughout the year. Now I had to put an extra effort and clean the things up. As I opened it up, a huge lot of things fell over me. The belongings now took the floor too, making the scene all the more messy. It seemed as if I had all the more dirtied the place. The mess of the almirah had conquered the floor. It took me nearly two hours categorizing the things, discarding the waste ones and rearranging the useful ones back again in the almirah.
After those stressful two hours I smiled proudly at my achievement. I had finally done it. The impossible task which I had been procrastinating since months, was now done beautifully.
A physical cleaning up session had given me so much of satisfaction. I wondered at the satiety a personal emotional cleaning would provide. But then again I thought! There were a hundred of things in my attitude that had always made me feel guilty, whether that be a mood swing, or a rigid way of behaving, Or a habit that had too much power over my ability to control the same. I mean there were so many things about myself that I had been trying to overcome. It is not that, that I didn’t want to heal myself but why weren’t things working up. Why hadn’t the cleaning be successful. I pondered again at the almirah thing. Maybe I was just seeing the mess, the untidiness of my habit!! This mess made me too weak to clean up. And even if I had begun my cleaning I never could wait for those two hours for the mess to clear up.
I always was too overwhelmed with the mess that I failed to see the cleaning up I had already done. I realised that feeling guilty about some personality trait of mine was the first step towards cleaning myself. But eliminating the habit completely too would take some time. Similar to the almirah anecdote where the mess appeared to double up as I opened it, this trait of ours becomes more visible to us as we try and clean it up. And maybe this fact brings in more disappointment in us, in a way weakening us. What I realised was that we have to wait and continue with our efforts of cleaning up until we achieve it. We shouldn’t be disheartened by the repeated mistakes we do even after realising them. We need to continue our effort of organizing ourselves. Because what appears to be may not always be  the reality. To build a more beautiful building we have to destroy the previous one giving way to a shabby outlook. But soon we know we will transform this mess into a beautiful thing altogether. Exactly like this we should not loose hope in times when we cannot commit to a transformation. Instead we should denote our full time to it and wait patiently for the result. We would definitely be able to conquer our habits and moods, we just need to focus on the future that we are creating and not brood over the misguiding present that we see!!

Ending my thoughts with a poem,

The mess around disheartens,
None of my sins it pardons,
I know I have tried my best,
Why do I continue to fail the test?
Maybe then I realize,
It takes time to break the messed up ties!
No doubt the darkness disheartens,
But life isn’t all about closed up cartons!
I need to believe in the light that is to come,
And not let my feelings go numb!!
It has to rain before the rainbow shows,
A future in it sows!
Believe in the future of your dreams,
Wait before the unravelling of the beautiful realms!

MEMORY LANES!!

download (1)

Glancing upon the empty door I stood,
Thinking about everything that I could,
The jolting memories hurt me again,
Like the strike of a forceful cane.
There are times so good,
But also things that are rude,
Difficult to stop and judge,
All left is a filthy smudge!

The seasons change,
Our emotions these cage,
The cuts are deep,
But one day everything will seep.
This victim feel is good,
Like a cool hood!
The thoughts again turn a mess,
but no one takes a guess!!

May be my inside world replies,
While my breath still sighs,
I force again and twirl my lips,
A smile appears drinking the sorrow in sips!!
Everyday I laugh a lot,
Trembling at the thought of being caught!
Everyday this loud laughter chides,
And sends into oblivion the deep bites!
Yes again I stand stronger,
Giving me the power to fight longer.

images